Sunday, July 12, 2009

P90X - Painting Myself Into the Success Corner

When we first started this journey to find our inner, skinnier, selves we wanted to find the easiest way possible to lose the most weight, the fastest. Because who the hell wants to actually work at not being fat? It might as well be impossible. (Unless you're genetically gifted, like my brother.)

That was November of 2008. A mere nine months ago. I tried several different diets, methods, programs, etc. since then, and I failed at them all. Well, not so much failed, as failed to finish. The end result was still the same though. Me being fat.

That's not to say that these diet methods don't work, because they definitely do work. It's just that they totally fucking suck. Bad. They suck so much that you eventually crash into your own personal threshold of how much something self inflicted can suck, before you make it stop. I'd advise against letting it reach the point where you're rocking back and fourth with a tear covered Honey Bun crumbling in your hands.

We'll talk more about our past huge embarrassing failures later, but for now I'd like to tell you about our future huge embarrassing successes.

P90X is a fitness and nutrition program created by fitness robot Tony Horton. You've probably seen parts of the infomercial tons of times. It consists of several DVD’s that give you instruction for working out at home. It's all about body weight exercises, and something they call "muscle confusion," where you trick your muscles into doing shit they don't want to do.

Bill discovered P90X before me, and pestered me to try it too. At the end of May, I finally gave in. For next three weeks I went at it really hard, working out almost every day. I followed all the videos, ate less junk, and it started working wonders. Then it kinda fell apart, because my brain hates me, and I stopped for two weeks.

CAUTION: Let me just say this about P90X: It's fucking HARD. I'm not talking some wussy little power hour hard, I'm talking sweat drenched fitness fucking revival hard.

I didn't want to give up and let my brain win again though. So, salvaging as much of the momentum I still had, I vowed to probably try it one more time. Then, surprising even me, I actually did start it one more time.

P90X Start Date: July 6, 2009

P90X Start Weight: 231

I'm already one week in. I'm going to actually try to document my progress here, while publicly setting virtually unachievable goals for myself. I'm going to follow this 90 day program all the way through to the bitter end, Oct. 3rd, 2009.

I hereby promise that on that fateful day 90, I'll post official looking before/after shots of myself. Furthermore, the after shots will include a visible six pack. No, this isn't some lame bullshit where I put a six pack of beer in the shot and like a total asshole say, "SEE!? I said visible six pack!" No, this is the real deal. I promise real, non-photoshopped, visible, abdominal muscles that belong specifically to me.

So there. I'll put my day and current weight in the side bar for easy score keeping. If anyone else wants to join me on this heartfelt journey of self discovery and girth reduction, don't hesitate to let me know.


  1. You're lucky to have a friend like Bill. You can do it (even if it's just to prove him wrong) !

  2. tony horton sucks!