P90X - Plyometrics

So, what the hell is plyometrics, anyway? Tony Horton calls it "Jump Training". I call it "Jump Training with Satan himself". Wikipedia tells us that plyometrics is:

Plyometrics - a type of exercise training designed to produce fast, powerful movements, and improve the functions of the nervous system, generally for the purpose of improving performance in sports.

While that description is spot on, it leaves out all the parts about pain and tears.

The first week of P90X goes like this:

1. Monday: Chest and Back + Abs
2. Tuesday: Plyometrics
3. Wednesday: Arms and Shoulders + Abs
4. Thursday: Yoga
5. Friday: Legs and Back + Abs
6. Saturday: Kenpo (kinda like kickboxing)
7. Sunday: Off (or some cardio workout)

The plan is basically resistance training, then cardio, then repeat for one week. The next week starts it all over again. So, for the first three weeks, the above cycle is repeated three times before things change. I'm in the middle of week three right now, and yesterday was Plyometrics.

In the P90X Plyometrics workout, you do a series of four exercises, repeated, then you get a break. Then, you start another four similar, but different exercises. This repeats until the end, and takes slightly less than an hour. The breakdown sorta looks like this:

warm up
(4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) x 2
waterbreak
(4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) x 2
waterbreak
(4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) x 2
waterbreak
(4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) x 2
waterbreak
(4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) x 2
waterbreak
(3 sports exercises: pitching|shooting|football) x 2
Cooldown

Here is the first series of exercises in the plyometrics workout. From above, this would be the first (4 exercises: 30s|30s|30s|1min) section.

Jump Squats (30 seconds) - exactly what it sounds like. You stand, feet slightly apart, and you jump up in the air. Then, using a controlled "cat like" motion, you land quietly on your toes, and repeat.

Run Stance Squats (30 seconds) - you stand as though you're about to take off running. Then you squat down low, and stand back up. On the fourth one, you jump, turn in the air, and land. Again, making the landing as quiet as possible by landing on your toes, again like a cat.

Airborne Heisman (30 seconds) - you jump from one foot to the other and strike the Heisman pose. Sounds easy, but the balance part is actually quite difficult. Cats are stupid, I'd like to see a fucking cat try this move.

Swing Kick (1 minute) - This one lasts one full minute. You get a chair and swing each leg over it. Left, then right, then back again. This one seems easy, until you actually try it. This, too, is impossible for cats.

At the end of all that, you quickly go back to jump squats and do it all over again. Once you've done that twice, Mr. Horton will give you a generous 30 second break. He is hard, but fair.

So far, I'd say that plyometrics is easily the most difficult and brutal of all the workouts. It's designed in such a way that it can be as hard on day one as it is on your final day. You can definitely half-ass it too. In the sports and fitness world - for some reason - this is called "doggin' it." So, if anyone ever tells you that you're "doggin' it", they're basically calling you a pussy and telling you that you'll never amount to anything, ever. It's best to visualize punching them in the neck as you attempt to keep from doggin' it.

At the end of plyometrics, if you've really put some effort in, you'll be incredibly exhausted and completely drenched with sweat. If you've been doggin' it, Tony Horton will personally show up at your house and kick your fat ass while the rest of us - who weren't doggin' it - will be showered with treasure and super hot fitness babes. That's just Tony Horton's style.