
I just did a quick calculation for myself and came up with a BMI of 29.3! FINALLY! I'm now seven tenths of one percent short of being obese! Suck on that, obese people. Yesterday I was one of you. Today, I totally abandon you, never to look back, ever again. I am now merely overweight. Based on that, it's time to celebrate with some motherfuckin' Hostess Cream Filled Cupcakes!
Yeah. Emotional eating. That's what I do. There's nothing quite like a

My brain is always finding clever ways to promote excessive gorging.
For example:
1. TV makes me happy. When I'm happy, I eat.
2. Being fat makes me sad. When I'm sad, I eat.
2. Being fat makes me sad. When I'm sad, I eat.
That's about the extent of my emotional capacity, but I'm sure you get the point. Maybe some of you are emotional eaters too. The problem is, the conflict of emotional eating. That might qualify for a third bullet point.
3. Eating Funyons and watching tv makes me happy, but also miserable and obese.
And, of course, when I'm miserable and obese, I eat.

Ah, the miracle of nature.
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